I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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