Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
