I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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