it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Randomize
