laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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