Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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