You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
the day after is always just damage control
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
