were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
