im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
