Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
