Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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