I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
