you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
