You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
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