he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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