I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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