we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
