Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
