You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
where does the pee come out of this thing
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
