I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
