last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
