I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
