addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
