I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize