Nicole vs. Life
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
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