Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize
