i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
