Just took my morning after pill in the library
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Randomize
