What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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