I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
