I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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