get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
my liver is dry heaving
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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