Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
