i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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