There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
