Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize