I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
