i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
