I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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