Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
