Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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