Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
