I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
