Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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