Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
i believe in u and ur pee
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