i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
