I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
