my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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