Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
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