her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
