my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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