I puked a lego.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
