I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
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