Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
