is your mom at the bar?
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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