im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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