a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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