just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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