It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize