there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
