So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Don't make out with my wife yet
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
