They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
