I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
