I like my sex mixed with concussions.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
