I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Randomize